Now that we are a couple of weeks into the new year, some of us may find that our goals are already fading. The key to making behavioral changes is taking small steps. However, our mindsets also play a bigger role than we realize. A positive mindset gets us much further.  
 
In my years of practicing therapy, I’ve discovered that people can sometimes be oblivious to the ways that they are sabotaging themselves simply by the way that they think! 
A classic example is when we slip up and order french fries instead of a salad with dinner and then say to ourselves, "What the heck, I already ruined my diet so I may as well order the flourless chocolate cake for dessert!" And to make matters worse, there’s also a little something called a “negativity bias” we have to deal with.

Psychologist, Dr. Rick Hanson describes the negativity bias in this way: bad experiences stick like "Velcro,” while our positive experiences are more like "Teflon.” Neuroscience shows us that we must consciously, and with focused intention, reframe our thoughts to think positively. Once we recognize our negative thinking about ourselves, we can make space for all the other possibilities. What we think, we become. It’s a good thing we can also choose our thoughts. When we practice this over time, we can rewire our brains to think more optimistically and positively! So, as we move into 2020, remember to take baby steps, and always strive to maintain a positive frame of mind.
​
​

Kerrie Mohr, LCSW
A Good Place Therapy & Consulting
www.agoodplacetherapy.com

Saying yes....

Life is constantly calling you- forward, onward, upward into growth and inward to greater depths. Everyday, in large and small ways, you are being asked to step into a stronger, clearer, more grounded relationship with yourself and the world around you. There are things to let go of that are blocking your path, dimming your light, holding you back. The ever-present shadows of fear- you might get cold, wet, or embarrassed in your new soft skin of vulnerability. Step into the water anyways. Open up to infinite possibilities and the power of letting life flow through you...

It took me two years to launch this website. I had every excuse in the book- I'm not a technologically gifted person, I don't want to limit my work or make it somehow less true in a virtual format, I don't have time, I could be criticized, I might fail. Yet, again and again students, friends, and family would gently say - is there someway we could take your classes online, you could help a lot of people, Valarie you have so much to give. So finally, I dropped my pretense and procrastination and I decided to step into the water...

It's true that you might get cold, and if you are out there fully living life you will most certainly get wet on some days. But just beyond your warm, dry comfort zone is a new perspective, a fresh and fierce cleanse, a dip into the river that changes the course you are on and connects you to the larger currents of the universe...

Say yes.

​​Illness ... A hypochondriac's worst nightmare or dream come true? The freedom of illness
 
When you hear the words, “you have cancer,” even though you have been mentally preparing for what seems like an eternity, you are still flooded with shock and emotions. Your knees turn to jelly as you wonder if you will survive and how you will break the news to your loved ones. How do you react?
 
Is it joy? “I KNEW IT - ALL THIS TIME I WAS RIGHT!!”
 
Relief? “PHEW!! It’s about time that the thing I’ve been worried about for the past 20 years came true.”
 
Sadness - “Woe is me, I’m the unluckiest person in the world.”
 
Anger - “ARE YOU EFFING KIDDING ME?”
 
Fear - “OMG, I am totally going to die.”
 
Resentment - “Why me? Why the fuck me?”
 
Empowerment - “You’ll never get me, cancer - screw you!!”
 
Ultimately, it is a combination of ALL of the above emotions. It’s strange how hypochondriacs actually use their fear of illness as a protective shield: “if I constantly think that I’m ill … when I do get ill, it won’t be such a shock, and I will be PREPARED, dammit.”
 
It’s funny how the mind works. After my personal cancer diagnosis, I felt a strange relief and freedom from the day-to-day stresses. If the worst has finally happened, then things can’t get worse, right? Tears do fall. But fears also melt away. Relief and joy that the thing that has been holding you back; holding you captive in some psychotic abusive relationship / Stockholm Syndrome scenario, can’t get you anymore. You are, all at once, captive and free, bound to no one and everyone through the strange Jedi mind tricks of cancer. Freed at last by the thing that you feared most in your life - your captor.
 
 
​By: Julie Jarratt

I will admit, I used to wake up every morning, and before I got out of bed, the first thing I did was check my phone. I checked for the latest news updates, I checked social media, and my email, even though I didn’t respond to anything, and I checked the weather (and I can very quickly ask Alexa for that, so I had no excuse).
 
I had to stop doing this. It wasn’t helping me start my day or even productive to read news updates first thing in the morning. I also stopped watching the news first thing in the morning. I realized I didn’t want to start my day that way and as we all know, it will change in a couple of hours.
 
Do you find yourself tethered to your phone, can’t imagine being without it, and forget about actually going out without it for even 30-minutes? What’s wrong with this picture, why have we become so dependent on this device to get us through the day, to provide us with all the latest news, keep us up-to-date with the latest trends, stay connect with people by scrolling through their most recent status updates, pictures, and worrying we have missed out on something. Is this really what this has all come down to? What happened to our face-to-face conversations, actually connecting with people and spending time together? Can’t we get all of our updates by just talking to each other?
 
I hear so many of my clients talk about how distracted or even addicted they are to the news and how it's affecting them emotionally. They hate getting all the news alerts because it is going to change in a couple of hours, but they want to stay connected. I have challenged my clients to limit their news intake, uninstall the news apps from their phone or at least turn off the alerts if they don’t want to go without access completely.  The thought of not having a news app on their phone is daunting for some and welcomed by others. I know that limiting my news intake has helped me in so many ways. I set the boundary for myself that I don’t start the day with MSNBC or CNN, and I don’t check the news before I go to bed. If I get an alert on my phone during the day, I don’t read it and move on with my day.
 
I was recently on a trip to Dublin and during my trip, I didn’t watch the news, I didn’t check it on my phone, I rarely checked Facebook, and I didn’t miss out on anything. It took the pressure off me to stay so connected, and I gave myself permission to do this, which was the best thing I could have done for myself. I highly recommend you try this.
 
Have you ever considered cleaning up your digital life/workspace?

• Clear away any unnecessary apps?
• Conduct an audit of what is installed on your phone, your tablet, computer, etc. What’s necessary to be there and what are the distractions?
• Have you ever tried going 24-hours without your phone? What about 1 hour? If the thought terrifies you, maybe this is why you should try it.
• Are you so addicted to your phone that you take it into the bathroom with you?

 
 
Ask yourself, are you ready to change your relationship with technology?

​​Do you really listen to yourself, the true you, your inner voice, or do you listen to what others have imposed upon you? Or do you only listen to this inner voice when something happens in your life - an illness, loss of a job, a death, a divorce, a breakup, or some other transition in your life?
 
Most of us don’t do “self-exploration” on a regular basis or at all. We don’t take the time and even more, sometimes we are afraid of this because we’re scared of what we might discover about ourselves.
 

​So, instead of waiting for something to happen that forces us to do this “self-exploration or “self discovery,” what about incorporating this into your life as a regular practice.
 
Let’s get this process going and you can start by asking yourself the following questions:

• Who are you?
• Where are you in your life?
• Why are you the way you are?
• What adjectives would you use to describe yourself?

 
Go ahead, discover the person you want to be. 

If you’re looking for a new job or happily employed, there are moments in your professional life when you feel immobile, despite  your best efforts. Here are a few pointers for getting unstuck.

MARIKONDO YOUR LIFEIn the bestselling book The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up: The Japanese Art of Decluttering and Organizing, Marie Kondo suggests getting rid of anything that doesn’t spark joy. This, of course, pertains to not only your house, but to your career. What can you declutter from your resume, office, and desktop—virtual or physical? This concept also translates into professional commitments. What activities can you stop doing, improve upon, or delegate?

ALWAYS BE CLOSINGAs Alec Baldwin’s character asserts in the 1992 film Glengarry Glen Ross, always be closing. How does this pertain to the information fields, you ask? Think about projects and tasks that you can finish. What has been lingering on your to-do list that you’d love to complete? Then commit your time to finish it. Assign yourself one task that you will prioritize for the day. Focus on it with Jedi-like precision, and you will feel the victory of progress.

FEEL THE PAIN What action are you dreading? Do it before all others. Often it’s just a matter of getting started. Use the Pomodoro technique; many free apps are available. Using a timer, work for 25 minutes with a five-minute break. For particularly heinous tasks, promise yourself that you only have to do one Pomodoro’s worth of work. Once you start, you’ll usually want to continue. Even if you don’t, you’ll be surprised by how much was accomplished during that period of constant activity.

PROCRASTINATE LIKE A CHAMP Or do the opposite and harness the power of procrastination. If you have something that you must do, put it off by accomplishing smaller tasks. Keep track of your to-do list with the role-playing productivity game Habitica (a personal favorite) or good old-fashioned pen and paper. While the main activity won’t get done until later, you’ll do all the things you needed to do anyway while whittling away your excuses for not focusing on your primary task. When the other responsibilities are done, your only choice will be to work on your main assignment. 

REACH OUT Be a person of action, and think about ways in which you can re-engage with the field.  What book, podcast, or blog post should you check out to keep up with the profession? Attend the next professional event in your area. Sometimes institutions host tours of their facilities or overviews of their projects. Often they are organized by local professional associations, but you can go on personal tours if you reach out to someone at the organization. You’ll be surprised by the generosity of your fellow librarians and archivists.

MINE SOCIAL MEDIA Search LinkedIn for career information. Look at people with jobs you’d like to have. What have they done that you can replicate? If you find someone in particular who has a path that interests you, ask them about their career trajectory. Research organizations with positions or departments that appeal to you. Follow them on social media to get updates on their activities and to find ways to engage with them. 
​
WRITE PROFESSIONALLY Contact journals for book review opportunities. Many journals are looking for reviewers, and the requirements for entry as a reviewer are low. You’ll be reading what you should be reading anyway, for free, and will contribute to the profession by offering your opinions on the topic. Contribute to a blog or start a blog yourself. And don’t forget to consider writing for LinkedIn! That’s how I just got unstuck.

What do you do to get unstuck?

No matter who you are or what you do, you need to be kind to yourself. When I teach a class on research methods to my students, I incorporate a section on self-care for scholars into lesson. Audre Lorde stated, "Caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation, and that is an act of political warfare." How true she was!

To feel prepared and vibrant for work, for school, and for life, we need to take time for ourselves before we start taking care of others. Caring for ourselves physically, mentally, and emotionally can help anchor us in the present moment. This means we bring our best self to work each day. 

Integrating self-care practices into our daily routines takes purposeful planning. The bottom line is that you have to want to make wellness a high priority in your life. Self-case isn't selfish; it's selfless. We are better equipped to serve others when we have invested the time to learn how to best care for ourselves. 

Self-care practices don't have to be elaborate or expensive. Most of them are quick and free. Here are some suggestions:

• Take a nap. 
• Read a book for fun. 
• Play games, either physical or digital.
• Meditate.
• Do a body scan. This Mindfulness-Based Body Scan is one of my favorites. 
• Take a bath or shower.
• Call a friend or family member.
• Give yourself more time to complete a project or commute somewhere. Don't rush.
• Go to bed early or sleep in. 
• Say no to something. Or a lot of things. 
• Do something sexy/sensual/sexual with yourself or a partner. 
• Drink something soothing, like Calm, Tulsi tea, or your favorite beverage. 
• Turn off all notifications. Unsubscribe and unfollow accounts that no longer serve you.
• Take a Mental Health Day.
• Develop a relaxing evening ritual. 
• Make a playlist to match your current mood. 
• Try 4-7-8 breathing. 
• Visit a library or bookstore. 
• Exercise.
• Take a yoga class. 
• Take a walk. 
• Clean your desk or work area. 
• Order in or cook something new. 
• Pamper yourself with a beauty ritual.
• End work early or start work late.
• Light candles, burn incense, or use an essential oil diffuser.
• Watch your favorite film. 
• Spend time with someone.  
• Pray.
• Ask for help with something that you're struggling with. 

​What self-care practices do you use? I'd love to read your comments.

​

Margot Note Consulting

​The best thing you can do for your career is to write. Whatever your profession, there are opportunities to share your experiences, offer tips and tricks, and promote yourself through words. Writing is also an excellent way to brand yourself online, especially if you are looking for a new job or changing careers.

I believe anyone—even those that think that they are “bad writers”—can write elegantly. You just need to set pen to paper.

I began writing professionally by writing book reviews in my field (which I’ll explain in detail in a moment). In time, I was asked to join the editorial board of a journal and later invited to guest-edit an issue. About seven years ago, I was approached by a publisher to submit a book proposal that led to my first book, Managing Image Collections: A Practical Guide. Some of my graduate school papers became part of chapters in that book. Some time after that, I was asked to submit another book proposal to the same publisher. My second book, Project Management for Information Professionals, arose from my curiosity about how to work better on teams. At the time, I was working on two painful projects for my employer, and I knew there had to be a better way of doing things! My third book, Creating Family Archives: How to Preserve Your Papers and Photographs, is self-published through Amazon. I’m now in negotiations with a publisher for a revised and expanded second edition. I’ve also written review articles, peer-reviewed articles, chapters in books, posters, blog posts, and presentations.

Here are some tips I’ve learned from more than a decade of professional writing:

START SMALL Write a review for a professional journal. Editors are always looking for reviewers, so reach out to journals that interest you. You’ll most likely be placed on a list of other reviewers, and the editor will occasionally send out a list of books they have for review that you can claim. As you get to know the editor, he or she can put aside books of a particular topic for you. You’ll have about a month or so to read the book, then write a 500-1500 word review. You’ll wind up reading something you should already be reading anyway, you’ll get a free book, and you’ll see your name in print and online.

NEVER MISS A DEADLINE If you agree to a deadline, don’t break it. If something unforeseen comes up, alert whoever is responsible as soon as possible if you think your piece will be delayed. Make people’s lives easier by adhering to deadlines, and build a reputation for quality, timely work.

SEARCH OUTSIDE OF YOUR WORKPLACE I’m hesitant to suggest writing for your employer. Often, the writing doesn’t credit you and, if it does, it can be limited to how long it’s available online or in print. Writing for an employer is often undervalued. You’ll be expected to write more with little or no credit.

I remember going to an interview years ago for a database administrator position. The interviewer saw that I was an English major as an undergraduate and then suggested that I should be their newsletter editor too. That, along with several red flags, made me decline the second interview. It also opened my eyes to how good writing skills can often be taken for granted by companies.

It’s far wiser to write outside your employer’s realm to build your brand professionally. Lean into your career, not your job.

For instance, I wrote books, chapters, articles, and reviews while working for a past employer; when I got laid off, I left with a portfolio of my own work. Everything that I had written for them disappeared into the ether after I left.

DON’T TAKE CRITICISM PERSONALLY During the writing process, you will often work with another person—be it a book editor, proofreader, or journal editor. Most people are wise about offering suggested changes, as they know how it feels to be on the receiving end of critical comments too. I’m not precious about my words. I will never win a literary award, but I want to make sure that I am as clear as possible. If someone suggests a better way of phrasing my words, I take their suggestions.

IGNORE THE "GRAMMAR NAZIS "They always identify themselves that way, and they rant about Oxford commas too. What pretentious bores!
​
There’s a type of person who takes delight in pointing out other people’s mistakes. They often are your co-workers, which is another reason to avoid writing for your employer. I’ve worked with a number of these types. They delighted in pointing out a misused word. Interestingly enough, they never bothered to get anything published themselves. Grammar Nazis never do. 
​
DISCOVER WHERE YOUR AUDIENCES LIVE Experiment with where your writing will be received the best. A blog post like this lives on my website first. I’ll link it to my social media accounts—Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Pinterest, LinkedIn, and some LinkedIn groups. I also import my blog posts on Medium. Different audiences exist on different platforms, and I want my message to reach everybody.

You might have a niche audience so a forum, listserv, newsletter, or other means of information distribution may work for you.

EDIT, EDIT, AND EDIT AGAIN You can always improve your writing. Nothing written the first time is good or should be. Rewriting and editing improves your text every time. The difference between adequate writing and good writing is revising, so keep revising—then revise more.

I often read my writing out loud and make edits. I’ll print out a hard copy, and revise further. I use tools like Grammarly, the Hemmingway app, and the Expresso app to catch errors. I also use text-to-speech readers to listen for awkward phrasing. You can also look at sites like Fiverr to hire copyeditors and proofreaders like myself. I enjoy revising so much that I decided that I might as well make money while doing it!

FORGET PERFECTIONISM No one is perfect so don’t expect your writing to be perfect too. Write good enough in clear language about something you are passionate about. It can be big or small, practical or theoretical. Just create something that you are proud of and share it with the world. You’ll be surprised how writing about an aspect of your profession can let you get to know people with similar interests. Your name will start getting known, and you'll find that new opportunities will start to come your way. Trust me on this!
​

Self-Employment Success Strategies
​
I received such wonderful messages about my original
post on self-employment that I wanted to follow up
with more tips.

Around this time of year last year, I first got an inkling that
I wanted to work for myself. I knew how to work for others--interview, job acceptance, review, promotion--but I
just couldn't make myself do it anymore. Getting laid off 
​after years of working in a dysfunctional organization turned me off to the normal 9-to-5 life. It seemed far healthier to put my labor into a company I owned that reflected my values and directly benefited me. 
It hasn't been easy. Every day is a physical, personal, and professional boot camp. I love what I do, and I'm thrilled to help organizations solve their archives and records management problems. 

I have faith that I am creating something bigger than myself and putting good into the world. I've collected some of the lessons I learned so far. 

DON'T FESS 
Avoid canceling calls or meetings whenever possible. When I have a lot to do, I always feel the need to cancel my events but I don't. Building my business doesn't stop just because I have deadlines. My word is everything, so if I say I'm going to do something, I am. Canceling means I have to reschedule the call or meeting, and I'll inconvenience the other person. 

The only time I canceled a meeting was because I had been in the ER until 3 am with my husband when he dislocated his shoulder. Even that was done with reluctance. 

When someone cancels on me, unless it wildly inconveniences me, I feel joyous!

EMBRACE THE WOO WOO
I like doing magical things (using the tarot, burning sage, and lighting candles) because they are a cheap, easy way to self-soothe. 
​
It's not necessarily that I believe in the power of tarot cards, but I find that they are so open to interpretation that they are helpful in getting me to tap into my feelings. When I feel the need, I pull a card from a deck, and check out the meaning at Biddy Tarot. Tarot helps me listen to my intuition.  

APOLOGIZE WITHOUT EXCUSES
When you're working for a client and mess up, apologize without excuses.

For example, I was photo editing for a client who was writing a book about art conservation. I often had to secure permissions of photographs of paintings before or after restoration phases. As you can imagine, it was sometimes hard to determine the correct phase. For two images, I got the wrong ones. My client was lovely about it, but I felt awful. My first inclination was to write an email justifying my mistakes. I realized the best, easiest, and most professional solution was to apologize for the mistake and offer a remedy--the time it took to correct the mistake was free of charge, of course. 

"I'm sorry, and here's how I'll fix it" is all you need to say.

YOUR CLIENTS' FINANCES ARE THEIR BUSINESS 
One of the best pieces of advice I received early on in consulting is not to worry about my client's finances. Clients find me because they are already motivated by a problem they are trying to solve. One assumes that they have the means to pay me as well.

I once gave a quote for a project that I was worried was too high. The client accepted it without pause. I later met with them in their finely appointed home so my money worries were completely unjustified.

If a client is unhappy with your prices, they will let you know. I've been lucky enough to have clients that accept my quotes. I offer a competitive rate and a lot of value. In time, I've been getting more comfortable quoting prices because I know I do excellent work. The first client is yourself!

BE ENTHUSIASTIC 
I tend to be straightforward in my emails, so I make it a point to be enthusiastic. Get excited about your project. Let your clients know that you are thrilled they contacted you and hired you. Use exclamation points in emails! Cheer on the phone! Wouldn't you rather work with someone that is delighted to work with you rather than someone who is even measured?

DON'T PRICE YOURSELF TOO EARLY
Pricing projects takes time. You want to work on a series of calls or meetings, building up a number of small yeses. When the fee comes up too early, it's a bad sign. I usually hold off until I have more information.

Even when the price is out there, you may not agree. Instead, say that you would really like to work with them and you're sure you can agree on something that makes sense for you both. By the time the money is mentioned they will have gotten to know you well enough that they will want to work with you. It's just a matter of explaining how you determined the amount, and they will most likely agree because they understand the value they are getting with the cost. 

If you are bidding on a project where you think that the other quotes will be similar, what additional value can you offer? Remember that clients buy for value not cost.

UNDERSTANDING TIME 
When you work by yourself, time becomes valuable. You can make decisions easily, solve crises right away, and whip up a proposal in no time. You have to understand that your clients can't move so quickly. I can write a proposal in an hour, but the client may not be able to sign off on it for weeks.

I'm also getting better at adding time to project schedules. I know I can finish a project in two weeks, for example, but not if I have to pause my work to wait for supplies or resources from my client.

I also routinely add 30 minutes to whatever my travel time estimation is; I'd rather get to my appointment 15 minutes early than have to flag down a taxi because the subways are delayed. 

My work time is different now too and out-of-sync with my 9-to-5 clients. I usually work from about 12 pm to 7-11 pm. I avoid sending late night emails because it makes it seem like I'm burning the midnight oil. Instead, if I'm working late, I draft important emails and send them when I first wake up. (I used to have a boss that routinely emailed at 2 am, and it made me worry about her!).

I can attest that time seems the slowest when you are waiting for your final invoice to be paid!

NO GODS, NO MASTERS 
You are the subject matter expert in your business.

When I first started working for myself, I bought classes from two well-known online course sellers (whom I won't name, but you may have heard of them). I thought they could provide the answers for me, but the courses were overpriced and the content under-delivered. The experience made me feel ripped off, and there's no way I want to mimic their techniques and make my clients feel icky too. I imagine that most online classes are this way, and I’m glad I discovered this expensive lesson early rather than later.

I’ve also been approached by people who have offered to open doors for me and to introduce me to people in the field and big clients. I’m wary of that too because when people want to help you, they do. They help you, quickly and quietly, because it’s the right thing to do, it makes them feel good, and they like you. They don’t make a big fanfare of it like these guys did, implying that you might owe them something in return.

I’ll add here that these eager helpers were all white, older, heterosexual men. While no one acted like Harvey Weinstein, there was an unmistakable sleazy vibe. Yes, there are creeps too in the higher echelons of the library and archives field!

When I told a friend about what happened during a recent occurrence, he offered these encouraging words: 

​Remember Margot, you have done and are doing great things with your work with legacies via personal and institutional archives. You are an author, corporation owner, and entrepreneur and are highly educated. Remind XXX that you already have a “service” and do not need to establish one...Don’t let someone try to create and sell to you what you already are!

In short—you are the expert. Don’t give predatory people any mind, and know that the majority of people are good and will help you if they can.

BE AWKWARD 
One of my insights of accepting myself through self-employment is to also accept my awkwardness. Over the years, people have pointed out my character flaws in some not-so-nice ways. Part of being awkward is that you know you're being awkward, but you don't know how to fix it! If I say something now that sounds silly, I just laugh it off and continue talking. Most people are gracious when you misspeak. Anyone else is an insecure jerk. 

WORK NEVER ENDS, BUT YOUR LIFE DOES 
There will always be work to do: writing, business development, networking, marketing, client work, administrative work, and personal work. Self-employment allows me to take advantage of opportunities that pop up like a long, leisurely lunch with friends. Sure, I could've continued my current project during the time. The work would still be there, but that lunch wasn't. I can take time off in the middle of the day as needed, but it just might mean that I have to work longer hours the next day. 

If you're self-employed, what tactics do you use to get the best of yourself? If you hire consultants (especially in the information sector), how can we serve you better?