Comparing ourselves to others and the implications
How often do you find yourself scrolling through Instagram, LinkedIn, and Facebook, only to realize you’ve gone down a rabbit hole, getting caught up in what you’ve read or the pictures you’ve seen? You may begin to entertain negative thoughts about yourself, questioning why you haven’t achieved more, taken trips, bought more things, written that book, or done more professionally. These traps ensnare us whenever we click on those websites and endlessly scroll, often leaving us feeling terrible about ourselves or envious of our friends or peers. What is happening, and why does this continue to happen?
We have all been there, and I hear so often from my clients that they are doing this, while at the same time realizing it doesn’t serve them personally or professionally. My first question is, “What are you getting out of this, and how is it helping you?” Typically, the same response is that they feel worse; it’s not doing anything to help them, and they feel even more stuck. Of course, I want to say stop it, and I do, but in a much more professional way and with grace and kindness.
Comparing oneself to others is a common human tendency, often driven by the need to evaluate personal worth against that of others. It can lead to feelings of insecurity, envy, and a diminished sense of self-worth. While such comparisons can sometimes be motivating, they can also harm mental well-being.
Let’s not forget that so much of what we see online is carefully curated. Who are you jealous of? What is popping up in your newsfeed that is triggering you? How aware are you of how comparing yourself to others is really impacting you? Why are you letting this get to you so much?
Here's a more detailed look at comparing ourselves to others:
Why we compare:
Social Comparison Theory: This theory suggests that we compare ourselves to others to assess our own opinions, abilities, and social standing.
Need for Evaluation: Humans are naturally inclined to evaluate themselves and their progress, and comparing themselves to others provides a benchmark.
Insecurity and Self-Doubt: Comparing can stem from a lack of confidence or low self-esteem.
Downward Comparison vs. Upward Comparison: We can compare ourselves to those we perceive as better off (upward comparison) or worse off (downward comparison). Downward comparison can enhance our self-esteem, but it can also be unhealthy when used to feel superior to others.
Negative impacts:
Insecurity and Anxiety: Constantly comparing can lead to feelings of inadequacy and anxiety about not measuring up.
Distraction from Goals: Focusing on others' achievements can make it harder to focus on your own progress and aspirations.
Negative Self-Talk: Comparing can trigger negative self-talk and undermine self-esteem.
Envoy and Disillusionment: Constantly comparing can lead to envy and disappointment when you realize you don't have what others appear to have.
Strategies for overcoming comparison:
Focus on Yourself: Compare yourself to your past self, rather than others, and celebrate your own growth and accomplishments.
Become aware of, and avoid, your triggers: Start noticing the situations that cause you to play the comparison game.
Practice Gratitude: Focus on the positive aspects of your life and what you're grateful for.
Limit Social Media Use: Social media can be a breeding ground for comparison, so limiting your exposure can help.
Seek Connection, Not Comparison: Use social media to connect with others rather than constantly comparing your life to theirs.
Celebrate Others' Success: Instead of feeling envious, try to find inspiration and celebrate the achievements of others.
Set Boundaries: Identify and limit your triggers for comparison, such as specific social media platforms or individuals.
Focus on Your Own Path: Remember that everyone's journey is unique, and there's no need to compare your path to someone else's
In today’s age, it is incredibly hard not to compare ourselves to everything we see online, read, or watch. But what good does it do? Think of it this way: I am aging myself now, but when I was in high school and college, we didn’t have social media, we didn’t even have cell phones, and we turned out just fine. I believe it was an easier time, with less pressure. It’s not to say things weren’t stressful, but the way we navigated through them was much different. Think about what can change if you invest more energy into you, what you’ve accomplished and will accomplish, rather than what everyone else is doing.
By Amy Bloustine
