We all have blind spots when it comes to seeing our true selves. Often, we have preconceived notions of who we are and who we want to be. It's common to get stuck in old narratives because they feel like a safe space, allowing us to avoid acknowledging what's right in front of us and what is not working.
 
When do we finally admit that certain aspects of our lives are not working? What realization do we need to acknowledge when things are not working? Recognizing what's not working is one thing, but taking action to change it is another. What is keeping us so stuck?
 
We can always say that things are “fine.” We keep busy and go on with our day-to-day lives, but what happens when you realize that’s not all we want it to be? We simply lie and try to cover it up rather than ever acknowledge things are not working. Or we tell ourselves stories to cover up what is really happening.
 
In the past decade, I have successfully operated a coaching business. I served on the board of directors for a coaching organization for seven years and held the position of president for four of those years. During this time, I actively participated in my community. These experiences contributed to my personal and professional development as a coach and entrepreneur. I was privileged to engage with incredible opportunities and meet inspiring individuals who encouraged me to strive for more and explore new possibilities. My goal was to continue growing and making a meaningful impact to the best of my ability.
 
I finished my time with the organization at the end of 2023. I was eager for the change, the opportunity to focus on new endeavors and expand my business, and to be honest, the break from the fast pace I had been experiencing during that time was much needed.
 
 As 2024 started, I knew I was burned out, but I didn’t realize just how burned out I really was. My plan and intention were to build my business, write my book, and seek new opportunities. I was going through my day-to-day, going through all the motions, staying busy, and I loved my work. But here is the truth about what was really happening.
 
I have been feeling so burned out that I started opting for easy and comfortable choices that I knew would still lead to accomplishments and satisfaction. However, I realized that I have not been as connected to my community and peers as I usually am. I have been doing the bare minimum, not putting myself out there, and gradually disengaging without realizing it. Maybe I knew it, but I wasn't admitting it. It's incredible how we often refuse to acknowledge certain things until we are truly ready to see them.
 
I finally discovered—actually, I admitted what I had been doing. I have been “cocooning.” What is cocooning, you might ask? The definition is “envelop or surround in a protective or comfy way. Retreat from stressful conditions of public life into a cozy private world.”
 
Over the past seven months, I've been unintentionally cocooning myself. I've been distancing myself from the fast pace I was accustomed to, from fully engaging with people, and from seeking new opportunities. I sensed something was happening to me, but I wasn't sure what it was. Maybe deep down, I knew, but I wasn't ready to acknowledge it then.
 
I found myself observing my peers and their engagement in the great work they were doing. However, I realized I was merely a spectator, not actively participating as I normally would. I haven't completely disengaged from everything but prioritized some matters more than others. Perhaps I have outgrown certain things and now yearn for something new, although I'm uncertain about what that may be. There are numerous possibilities, but what's important to me is that I'm self-aware and want to take action. I crave change, progress, and a renewal of my identity.
 
This is an invitation for me to move towards who I want to be and what I want to do in the future. I want to stop avoiding what is right in front of me. I'm becoming curious again (thank goodness); I want to engage, put myself out there, and see where this takes me. I need to take the time to rest, reflect, and recharge. This was a restorative time that I didn't realize I needed and why I needed it. How I went about it might not have been how I wanted to take this time, but this is how it worked out, and this is where this time took me. Sometimes, when you want to grow, you must slow down to speed up again.
 
I came across a great quote, “ The sooner you can admit what’s swimming below the surface, the sooner you can improve your life. So, own who you are so you can find the best version of yourself.

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This is the sixth in a series of articles for consideration when thinking about Your Next Next™. The content is based on the Springer-Alvarez talent development model for Employees and Employers.

No question the Pandemic has changed the world of work. Prudential Financial’s study, “Pulse of the American Worker” (March, 2021), indicated that 1 in 4 workers are planning to look for other opportunities. During the pandemic, many workers have faced new realities about their jobs, their lives, and how they want their world to look.

In the midst of the pandemic, organizations had to scramble to shift their businesses to online and their workforce to a remote structure. And though skills were acquired – fast, these skills and tools were focused for business survival and growth but not necessarily for employee learning and development.

While remote workers adapted to these demands, they also had to try to balance their home life and responsibilities with their work life. Boundaries were blurred. We as coaches have heard our clients struggle with boundaries and having to be online. All. The. Time. But as the pandemic dragged on, most employees became better at fitting in their personal needs into a long work week. As a result, now many workers prefer an all-remote or hybrid work arrangement.

Now employees are learning about their fate for the future. Some will remain remote workers, some will start a hybrid schedule, and others will be expected to come back into an office fulltime. Many businesses have changed during the past year and have been forced to redesign jobs or adjust budget. Whatever is decided, the majority of workers have significantly changed in the past 15 months. What they accepted pre-pandemic, has now been altered. What are the implications?

For workers who are looking to pivot, there is a silver lining. The job market is booming! Companies are quickly realizing that despite their return-to-office plans, many high potential employees are simply not interested. More and more jobs are listed as “remote” roles, including senior leadership roles. There are still companies who are sticking with their traditional model and expect their employees to be onsite daily, however, they are quickly finding themselves in competition for the best talent, many of whom will be lured away by more flexible and autonomous options.

After a year at home, many employees had time to be thoughtful about their careers, and are now focusing on their own career growth. As businesses begin to open-up and think about how they want their workplaces to look, employees will be doing the same. Recently, Texas A&M University Associate Professor Anthony Klotz shared with Bloomberg Businessweek that the great resignation is coming. 

We think now is an ideal time to explore what Your Next Next can look like. Whether you are motivated by   a new career, a new way of working (remote or onsite) or opportunities for advancement or skill development, use this time to plan your next move.

How? There is no secret sauce to identifying your next next, however, there are some key learnings you should have to clarify what’s next.

Needs/Must Haves

Coming out of the pandemic, having a strong sense of how you want your work world to look is essential. Identify your preferences – remote, hybrid or onsite. Explore what return-to-office means for your company and determine timing and protocols for returning. Will you have an opportunity for informal interactions, or will you be in a space with little interaction? Are your colleagues returning, or will you be going into the office yet still be communicating with your colleagues by video or phone? Where will your boss and stakeholders be? 

Get clarity around how your job and the content of your work has changed or remained the same. Know your skills and abilities and where you tend to thrive. Know what skills you still would need or would like to acquire. Many workers took the time during the pandemic to build new skill sets. What new skills or new challenges do you want? Can your current role offer that?

Explore

Think about what role or company you would like to target. Talk to people if you are unsure. Informational interviews are a great way to start an exploration journey and offer the benefit of developing valuable professional contacts. Many companies are eager to re-staff as soon as possible and realize that they need to be flexible and open to speaking to career changers in order to fill positions. Companies are also quickly investing in more training in order to receive new talent. Seize this moment!

Look Before You Leap

Yes, it’s a job seeker’s market, especially if you have desired skills in the market. Employees in many fields can demand more flexibility and more compensation. With that said, there is always risk in a job change. Do your due diligence. Many red flags are publicly available or can be explored through your network. Ask why positions have been vacated. Learn about the management team. Dig into your boss’ management style.  Understand the company’s financials and the view from the market. Read reviews on sites such as Glassdoor.  Ask about the onboarding plan, especially if you are starting remotely.  

While it’s impossible to learning everything about a company and its employees prior to accepting a job, take control of the timing before accepting. There should be no mystery to a job prior to accepting. If you need more time or need to speak to others before feeling comfortable, be sure to ask for it. Once a company has decided that you are the right fit, it is rare that they are willing to lose you because you need a little more time for due diligence. 

There has been no better time in recent history to explore Your Next Next. You have persevered through the pandemic and a new world of work is in front of you. Are you ready?
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Your Next Next™ is coaching and consulting for career development. Our approach is one that leads to more meaningful and deeper conversations about career aspirations and organizational needs. Founded by Eileen Springer and Christine Alvarez, who are executive and leadership coaches. Visit us at www.yournextnext.com

I had an interesting conversation with my father. In total truthfulness, I have had a lifetime of interesting conversations with my father. He is a thoughtful and thought provoking person- I am very grateful to have a close, deep relationship with him. It is worth noting, however, that if you don't want to know what he really thinks then it's best not to inquire. Samulskis have a certain type of scalpel-edged honesty. So when I asked him what he thought about my last blog post, I closed one eye and crossed both sets of fingers. "Well, if you are someone who is looking to make a change, then what you wrote would probably be helpful." It was almost a compliment! But even better, it made me wonder...

Does changing actually require "looking to make a change?" Enter the second sage in my life, my son. During one of his recent musings he said "Mom, I really wish I could watch a flower bloom." We were gifted a beautiful Amaryllis bulb this holiday season, and it was rapidly becoming. Despite noting the obvious differences in height each day and the eventually magnificent red blooms, he wanted to be able to see the moment to moment unfolding as it happened...

Being halfway situated between 71 and 11 years of age, I realize my unique vantage point. Most changes happen whether or not you see them, notice them, or look for them. In fact, change is happening all the time- even when you might not particularly want it to. You don't typically get to choose whether to change; you only get to choose how to be in relationship to what is changing. You can push, you can pull, dig your heels in, hold your breath, pray for it to be over, blame everybody, pretend it's not happening or- you can accept it, align with it, and gracefully transform into the next, better version of yourself...

Change, even when imperceptible, is inevitable.

What happens when change is not so subtle? Take a deep dive into your body to meet the moment with an adaptive approach to THE UNEXPECTED.

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Just the other day I had this interaction with the best-selling author Barbara Huson:

Me: “My fee is XXX. I am sorry. I know my fee is really high.”

Barbara: “Stop right there. You just did it. You should have stopped after you told me your fee.” 
​
Barbara Huson, author of seven influential financial health books, stopped me in my tracks.
We were having a conversation about how uncomfortable we are sharing our value, our truth and our wins. 

She had just finished explaining to me how women in particular have been taught to hold back their pride and put themselves down as a way to survive. 

While I had been nodding my head in agreement during our whole conversation, my body was clearly not on board.

I cognitively know and believe that women should step into their power and declare what they are worth and deserve, but I too have trouble actually doing it. 

What was keeping me from it?

Barbara explained that “it is simply fear of pain. We are so much more interested in avoiding pain in the current moment that we will sacrifice what is good for us in the long-term.” 

I was so uncomfortable saying my fee (which is perfectly reasonable and appropriate for my level of experience) that I decided to ‘undo’ it by saying essentially I am not worth it. 

Barbara, in her upcoming book, Rewire For Wealth, talks about how we are neurobiologically wired to keep ourselves comfortable. This wiring keeps us in safe and underperforming positions. It is our fear of discomfort that keeps us from claiming our wealth and ultimately our power. Her book provides tips on how to rewire your brain so you can feel comfortable with stepping into abundance. 

When Barbara and I spoke she reflected on the many women she’s worked with who gave away their power (and their money) during their divorce proceedings. She and I see it all the time. A woman walks into mediation and thinks, “I don’t want to look greedy” or “I do not need that much. I am just grateful he is not making this harder on me” or even worse “I don’t think I deserve that much since I didn’t work and stayed home with the kids.” All of these statements have one thing in common Barbara says. They all point to a woman choosing to not face her fear head on.

What’s the fear?

Her fear is that she will anger her partner or the lawyer. Her fear is that she will be appearing demanding-something women are often taught to avoid. Her fear is that she will actually see how much she gave up her power. 

But, the great news is that once we look at our fear we can address it. 

As Barbara shared with me, “power comes from facing our fear.”

For over 17 years I have been helping people face their fears. I have worked with people who are afraid of dogs, flying, elevators and defecating in their pants. I have seen profound shifts in how people view themselves when they face fears.

Facing your fear is hard. Looking at what is not working is scary. 

But, it is also a roadmap. If you know what scares you, but take Barbara’s approach of facing it then you know you will find a way through. 

This way will likely be bumpy and full of mistakes, but the only way through is through.
Here’s how to start:

Write down your fears in a list.

Write them all out. It can feel overwhelming at first, but it is also powerful to get them out of your head.

Now rate each fear from (0-10).

Take some time to think about the intensity of each of these fears.

Starting with fears under 5 write down one task you can do this week that will help you face this fear.

It should be small and measurable. Try this for each fear on your list.

Facing our fears is hard, but has the most wonderful result. You won’t feel bullied by your thoughts and limitations anymore.

Through the healing process of my divorce, it became clear that I was deeply pleasure deprived. While I always had an active sex life my awareness of my own pleasure was offline. I had to learn to reconnect to pleasure so I could have the abundant, exciting, fun, and vibrant life I have today. I want to teach you what I learned so you can connect to your pleasure center. 

This post is about getting in touch with your sensual pleasure. Before we do, there's a difference between sexual and sensual pleasure. Sexual pleasure refers to the body’s physical response to sexual stimulation. In our society, it is often defined by orgasm. However, once you start exploring sensual pleasure you will notice other ways to experience sexual pleasure. Sensual pleasure refers to your body’s response to input from all your five senses. This includes how your body responds to sounds, sights, textures, smells, and tastes. 

Many people also experience a sixth sense referred to as intuition. You can also get pleasure from this sense if you are tuned in to it. With sensual pleasure, you are paying attention to and guiding your body towards enjoyment. You are saying “yes” to whatever feels good to you. Notice what you feel like in your body when you read that last sentence. 

Go back and read it again and write down in a journal what it feels like to consider pursuing your pleasure. You might have some negative thoughts and resistance coming up. I completely expect that because so many of us were told to put our pleasure aside. We learned to think of other people’s pleasure first before our own especially if we are from a marginalized group. 

Before you can start embracing the value of pleasure you need to challenge some assumptions that might get you stuck. Remember that we all come to our relationships with sensuality in our own way. None of us planned to be resistant or uncomfortable. Accept where you are and consider the possibility of being able to change it slowly. 

Now, answer the following questions in your journal: 

• What was your first experience of sensuality? This is not the same as sexuality.
• When did you feel your senses present and detecting things around you?  
• What did you desire before society told you to do something else?
• How did people in your environment respond to your desires from your five senses?

Take some time with these questions. Really examine your relationship to your own pleasure using the journal prompts above.

Once you have spent some time writing try these three steps this week to increase your sensations of sensuality:

• Eat a meal slowly and intentionally. Notice the sensations of eating. Notice the ways different textures feel in your mouth.
• Give yourself a hand massage. Focus first on what it feels like to receive the touch from your one hand and then focus on what your hand feels like to actually do the massage. Keep shifting back and forth between these two perspectives of touch.
• Remember those Coca Cola and Pepsi taste tests? Try this with smell. Choose three smells this week and take a whiff. Ask yourself which you like and why. 

With these exercises, you will be honing in on your sensuality and learning how to tune in to your desires. We need to know our desires to create the best living, loving, and working situations. Enjoy this adventure and let me know in the comments what you learned about yourself this week. 
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I can’t wait to hear.

  Gokce "GG" Gizer
​  Mercury Change Group- Founder
  Professional development coach, and an organizational consultant focused on    culture and leadership development.
  Article published in The Evolve Magazine:
  http://www.theevolvemag.com/​