Ed
“Light at the end of the tunnel
”
I devoted twenty years of my life to this company. It was a law firm with sixty locations and 1,800 employees. As the architect and a facilities manager, I expanded it from twenty offices to forty offices on my own. Then, we began hiring project managers to work alongside me. The team grew from forty to sixty offices. It was my passion. I felt truly good about it, and I was respected. It was very rewarding to witness the firm’s growth. I took great pride in what I had achieved. I called my boss for a scheduled call at 2:00 p.m., and he said, “Okay, we’ve decided to furlough you. Please put your phone down and turn off your computer. Thank you very much. We’ll send you a box tomorrow, and you’ll put your computer and all company items in it and return it to the firm.” I said, “I have a meeting at 3:00 p.m. Should I do that?” He replied, “No, you should just stop what you’re doing right now,” and that was that. I quickly contacted my team and said, “I’ve just been furloughed.” I also discovered that several others had been furloughed throughout the company.
When I spoke with my team, we all felt uneasy about the situation. I told them, “Look, they have to keep people. They still need people here when somebody calls and needs something for the facilities department.” Ultimately, the company ended up outsourcing everything and eliminating my position. With the pandemic, it was very easy for them to claim it was due to COVID.
They used the word “furlough.” It wasn’t. The emotions when I found out I was furloughed were different from those I experienced three months later when they laid me off. The furlough gave me hope that I would be able to return. However, when I was laid off, it was that sense of wow—it’s done. Laid off meant no more opportunity, no more hope.
There was never a sense of relief when I was laid off. It always felt like failure. What did I do wrong? Did I fail my team? It was more personal and more about me. It wasn’t until I talked about what happened with others who had gone through similar situations that I realized I needed to look at the big picture. It was planned. It was simply part of the business process.
My wife was working from home the day it happened, and my daughters were also at home due to the pandemic. They heard my call with my boss and recognized from the tone of my voice during the conversation that something was wrong. I hung up the phone, looked at them, and said, “I’ve been furloughed.” And my family cheered. My youngest daughter made me a card and wrote, “Congratulations on your furlough.” We prepared a fancy meal and had champagne with dinner. They sang, “Happy furlough to you.” They were so relieved that I had been furloughed because COVID was so stressful, and they witnessed how much it affected me. It was such a challenging situation trying to manage sixty office locations during the pandemic. They were so concerned for me and relieved that I didn’t have to endure that stress anymore.
I cried when I told my wife I had officially been laid off, and she hugged me. The other shoe had finally dropped. It was final. When I was furloughed, we had discussed whether they would invite me back, and she had asked, “What will you do when they invite you back? Are you going to go?” Of course, I would go back. But it felt different when I was let go. The crying and the hugging were just the finalities of it. But it was also a release of grief.
I received tremendous support from my family and a group of others who had also been laid off. That group helped me to heal. Seek support in any way you can and ask for help because you can’t do it alone. Without it, you risk becoming embittered when you’re on your own, and it can get ugly. Those feelings can become internalized. It’s like thinking you don’t want therapy, but then you go and discover how beneficial it can be. If you’re hesitant about therapy, find someone to talk to—it doesn’t have to be with others who have also been laid off; it can be anyone.
Discussing everything helps remove the emotional weight. I know many people struggle to talk about being laid off, and while I can only speak for myself, I associate it with a sense of failure. So much is tied to our jobs—many of us define ourselves through our work. I am an architect and a facilities manager; that is my identity. Therefore, when that is taken away, what do I say? When I tried to explain being furloughed and then officially laid off, I found it difficult to do so without feeling compelled to clarify that I had been very successful in my role. I achieved a lot while there, but the firm made a business decision to head in a different direction. I received a severance package and moved on. I knew I had to leave it at that. Otherwise, it becomes overly emotional. This is why we need to have these conversations about being laid off. It helps you process the experience and gain the necessary perspective.
As a result of the layoff, I became much nicer and more considerate. I showed up and was present for my family. There were other internal and external changes as well. My relationships with people changed. I now take the time to engage more with others and really show interest in their well-being. Before this happened, everything revolved around the office, affecting my relationships at home. My wife told me it hurt to see me changing because of the job. After getting laid off, I started to pay more attention to her. I finally began to appreciate her more. The depth of my relationships with others improved. I started to structure my conversations differently and they actually had substance. Before, I tried to connect in a meaningful way, but it often felt superficial. My focus was solely on work and the next project I needed to tackle.
In thinking about what comes next, I’d like to be more soulful with the people I interact with. It’ll be interesting to see if I can achieve that or if I revert to merely checking the boxes and continuing to move on. I appreciate the idea of finding something more meaningful and creating a civic good. That would provide great satisfaction and fulfillment from participating in those roles. I am seeking passion rather than just collecting a paycheck and going through the motions of my responsibilities. Just knowing there’s hope at the end of this, whatever that might look like.
Where are they now?
One of the jobs Ed applied for, which he was passionate about, was to be a diplomat for the United States of America. His daughter was interning at the Department of State and sent him the link to a facility manager position. It required a lot of work, studying, and interviewing, but he is now a facility manager in an exotic country, representing the USA and promoting security, prosperity, inclusion, and women’s empowerment. This is Ed’s dream job, and he recognizes and appreciates what a long, strange trip it’s been!
