Ellie
“We need a voice and a platform
”
I was let go on the morning of August 1, 2019. It was my first day back after three months of medical leave, and I was quite shocked, even though I almost expected it. That day, I had a feeling I can’t quite explain—it was just one of those gut feelings you get every so often right before something bad is about to happen. A few people on my team had already been let go, and a subconscious feeling suggested that something was off. Everything was too quiet.
The day I returned to work, I received texts from friends and family, “Have a great first day back. You’re doing the right thing.” Everybody knew that I wasn’t really ready to go back. They knew I was returning for financial reasons and needed to get back to a routine. I was hoping it would feel different this time. On my first day back, I worked remotely. I logged onto my computer and checked a few emails, but I didn’t end up responding to any of them because I was nervous about the conference call with my boss. I was mainly anxious about talking to her for the first time in three months, and I wasn’t sure how the call would go. The conversation was, “How are things going?” and then I was let go.
The reason I was let go was due to “restructuring.” I was part of the corporate marketing and communications team, and they were reorganizing the group. While I haven’t personally fired anyone, I’ve participated in management teams during layoffs, and repeatedly, the rationale for letting someone go is, “We’re letting him go because of restructuring.” It’s the ultimate ambiguous term that denies any sense of closure.
I took a leave for mental health reasons. This decision was something I never expected to make, despite my lifelong struggles with mental health. While on vacation, I worked, which eventually led to a breakdown. When I discussed this with my psychiatrist, she described it as a severe anxiety attack, along with a situational episode. It incapacitated me from going to work, an outcome I never intended. I am now focused on ensuring this does not happen again and recognizing the warning signs earlier.
I worked nights and weekends, going above and beyond what was expected of me because I believed there was a carrot at the end of the stick—an opportunity I was pursuing. Ironically, I felt relief when I was let go because it wasn’t the right culture for me. After the layoff, it’s strange how you can go from feeling like a company woman, part of the inner circle, to suddenly feeling alone. I was alone and needed to advocate for myself in a way I had never done before.
I felt immediate anger when it happened. I quickly became stressed about figuring out what to do next. The “in the moment” life questions took over: “What are my options for negotiating severance? What do I have to do about unemployment? How do I return my computer to the company?” All these questions and thoughts were swirling around. Getting to what mattered was difficult: “What do I want to do with the rest of my life? How will I maintain some of the wonderful connections and experiences from that job, including people who will, hopefully, be lifelong connections?”
The day after I was laid off, I went full throttle— focused on getting things done. That’s generally how I handle things. Over the next two months, I accomplished a lot. I took two trips, visiting my parents in Cincinnati and going to California to see my boyfriend. I did some heavy networking and had meetings with the women in my B2B marketing group; they were fantastic, and it was exactly what I needed, even though I didn’t always feel up to it. Anything that involves putting on pants doesn’t sound fun when you’re unemployed, but I forced myself to get out there. I worked on finishing tasks that had piled up; I was filling my days with “stuff.” You must be careful because the minute you clear the queue, more stuff keeps flooding through the cracks that need to be done. I reorganized my apartment a lot. I took long walks, and I remember that it took longer to do things than necessary because I had the time. For example, walking to therapy and returning home took half a day when it would usually be a lunch break.
I was already seeing a therapist and a psychiatrist when I was laid off. I had an appointment with my psychiatrist the week after I was let go, and when I told her what had happened, she was shocked and impressed by how I handled everything. I was sad and crying, and she said, “The you I met a few months ago would not have been okay. You are so much more stable.” That felt great to hear.
I’ve experienced anxiety and depression my whole life, but my psychiatrist realized I was likely more bipolar, which is often misdiagnosed. She treated me with medication, and therapy was also helping. Overall, the treatment helped me cope with being laid off, but I needed constant reminders from my doctors to say, “You seem like you’re handling this well.” She helped me understand that my feelings matter and that I should tell her when I feel depressed. Even if I feel bad, she sees someone who gets things done, gets up, and accomplishes something every day.
One thing that has come from this entire experience is that I’ve never been so open about my mental illness before, despite having dealt with it my whole life. I have drawn on strengths I didn’t realize I had. By becoming more aware of myself, I’m getting up every day and doing something, whether it’s big or small; I continue to work on myself, which is significant, but I’m also focusing on the external aspect, meaning what comes next. There’s no hesitation in my voice when I talk about mental illness. I own it; it’s part of who I am, and I need to embrace it. I am giving it a voice and a platform.
We need to discuss mental health in the workplace. I don’t think companies fully support having these conversations. We are beginning to understand it, but we haven’t fully embraced it. We need to change this and start talking about it and acknowledging it. The challenging part is that the real problem is deeply rooted in our culture. I know part of what I have is hereditary, but culturally, it’s difficult even to differentiate. I believe more open and honest discussions about mental illness need to take place. The forced conversations we’ve had about sexual harassment and similar issues need to happen with mental illness, too.
I know companies are struggling to address mental health issues and burnout. I understand it isn’t easy, but we must find balance. Workplaces need to initiate conversations and acknowledge these challenges. Regular webinars, training, and discussions about burnout must also take place. Sensitivity around this subject is essential; it needs to be addressed, but the approach to the discussion matters. If someone cannot afford therapy, there are alternative solutions. Many companies offer an Employee Assistance Program (EAP) that enables employees to seek the support they need. When someone goes through onboarding at a company, is this information shared, or is it overlooked? What steps are companies taking to engage employees regarding mental health and burnout?
Companies should have information on mental health programs available every day. It can be as simple as posting an article about mental illness within the company or sharing a daily thought, such as, “Do you know someone who is struggling? What should you do if you see someone in need? Are you struggling? What options do you have?” Don’t get me wrong; some companies excel at recognizing it and weaving it into their culture. However, there is still much more work to be done.
I firmly believe there should be a dedicated position in every company to promote mental health, similar to the DEI role found in many businesses. Even a company like the one I recently left recognized that its employees were experiencing burnout. While it may not be possible to completely resolve the issue, it’s important to acknowledge what’s happening. At the very least, managers should receive training to identify burnout in their teams and themselves. Often, a manager—I’ve been guilty of this—will become burned out and inadvertently worsen the situation for everyone, as it tends to trickle down.
How Do We Talk About Being Laid Off And Mental Health?
Talking about being laid off is a difficult subject for many people. It’s seldom part of our everyday conversations. This creates a dilemma: How can we address this issue when discussions about both layoffs and mental health are often missing? It’s surprising, given the numerous platforms available for these conversations. There are spaces specifically designed for discussing mental health, such as texting or online forums. I was especially encouraged by a Talkspace commercial featuring Olympic gold medal swimmer Michael Phelps, where he stresses the importance of seeking help.
We aren’t discussing mental health enough, nor are we adequately addressing job loss. I’m surprised by how many people haven’t asked me about it, especially given my situation. People often don’t know what to say, but I wish they would still reach out and not be afraid to talk about it with me. There are two sides to this issue. How can we create a space where those of us who have been laid off can share our experiences with more confidence and lead conversations about them? Additionally, friends, family, and former colleagues should feel comfortable speaking with someone who has faced a layoff. Whatever the reason, it’s important for others to engage in these discussions and connect with someone going through this experience. I intend to talk openly about my layoff for the rest of my career. If I want to support others, I need to integrate this experience into my story, both professionally and personally.
What Is Your Message To Anyone Reading This?
You need to rely on yourself to take care of your mental health to navigate these situations and advocate for yourself. Everyone has the ability to change their circumstances, and I only wish I had taken action sooner before someone else made decisions for me. If anything, being laid off was both a relief and a wake-up call. It made me realize that we must prioritize our well-being at work, whether it’s before or after something happens. Regardless of our employment status, the most crucial thing is to care for ourselves; our physical and mental health are integral to that. We can’t always control the decisions made about our well-being, nor can we dictate how quickly companies respond to these issues. However, we can raise our voices, engage in conversations, and do whatever we can, even if it’s something small, to support those who are struggling and ourselves.
Where are they now?
Ellie moved to Cincinnati and resumed her career leading content marketing for a tech startup. The job loss and subsequent mental health wake-up call helped her realize that she wanted to be closer to family and focus on what matters. She shares that it remains a daily struggle to maintain her mental health in the fast-paced world of marketing, but being in a welcoming environment that embraces nontraditional thinking and supports mental health makes a difference.
