Jeremy
“I Woke up with a smile
”
The layoffs were conducted in waves, with many individuals already let go the day before. Despite the snowstorm that day, people felt it was necessary to be in the office. They even contacted employees on vacation to inform them of their termination, not waiting for their return to the office.
It was crazy because I remember people waiting at their desks. No one was doing any work. Everything in the company had come to a halt. People stood by their phones, waiting for the “phone call.” You didn’t want to leave your desk for anything—not lunch, not even to take a break. We just waited.
At this point, I still wasn’t sure if I would lose my job. I had a feeling I would be let go, but it was still uncertain. Then I received the dreaded call. I remember walking into this room. There was a ton of junk, a table, a woman from HR, and the vice president from the new company that had acquired us. At that moment, I was shaking and didn’t know what to say because I’d seen some of my friends return from having the “talk.” Some people carried the infamous blue folder with the letter because they had been let go, while others walked out without the folder; they were staying. I walked in and sat down, and it felt surreal because I remember the guy looked at me and said, “Unfortunately, we have to eliminate your position.”
They try to be nice, but all you want is the blue folder and to move on after receiving this type of news. I knew what was in the folder and what it signified. You get the folder, walk out of the room, feel a bit shaky and try to shake it off, and want to return to your desk. Everyone was eager to know what happened and kept asking questions. That’s when it hits you. There was a mix of relief and anxiety because it had been a year and a half in the making.
The company had been enduring such turmoil for so long. There was a sense of relief in knowing there was finally an answer—because for the past year, I had been living with the uncertainty of whether I’d be let go, which puts your life on hold. At least it was over; I finally had my answer. So that day, I got laid off. But I wasn’t gone quite yet. They informed me in the spring of 2018 that I had been laid off, but I was allowed to stay until the end of January 2019. I had almost a year to lounge around and assist them in the transition since the senior staff were let go immediately.
The first few weeks after I was laid off felt strange. You have that I don’t care, whatever attitude, which was difficult for me to adopt; it’s not in my nature. Side note—when my company closed on the merger, which we all knew was happening, I cleaned out my desk months before I was actually laid off. Once the acquisition deal was finalized, everyone at the company stopped working. I had gone from working so much to doing nothing. I had nothing else to do, so I just cleaned. In my mind, I knew what was happening. It was coming. So, I got ready for it. And then, when they told me, “You have till the end of January,” I was like, “Okay. Well, at least my desk is clean!”
I coped by continuing to work because I was deeply invested in this place. Honestly, the business wouldn’t have survived if we hadn’t helped them. There was some satisfaction in knowing that, and I grew personally during that time. That was what kept me going at the end of the day. I felt like I had put much of my life on hold during this period. We didn’t go on vacation and avoided spending too much money because we were so worried about what would happen.
My immediate vice president left shortly after the announcement, so I took on most of her responsibilities. That put me into a more visible role, which I had wanted, and I was thrown into the fire. Suddenly, I became the person assigned to four transition committees. I oversaw a team of twelve, guiding them through the transition. I led meetings with representatives from the new company, coordinated team meetings, relayed information to them, and assisted them in the transition. I felt that my management skills sharpened during that period, accompanied by significant experience in project management. This is where my professional growth began to take off.
I believe it gave me more confidence in my skill sets. I’ve always felt that you need to promote people before they’re ready because you’ve got to push them out of their comfort zones. That’s what it did for me. It forced me out of my comfort zone and gave me confidence because, suddenly, I became the subject matter expert. When you’re doing it all the time, you don’t realize you are the expert in it. You forget that you know these certain things until you’re asked, “What is this? How is this done?” And then I realized, “Wow, I know all of this. I have a wealth of knowledge that these people need to make this work.” I definitely think confidence was the thing that helped me the most.
My last day was on a Thursday. So that Friday, I had a big hangover. I woke up late for the first time in a long time and felt a sigh of relief. After so many sleepless nights, I had felt drained. On my first day unemployed, I realized, “It’s finally over.” I woke up with a smile.
My Recovery:
I was mentally exhausted by the end of it. In February, I did nothing but binge-watch TV. I spent a lot of time on the couch, just not ready to think about what came next. I needed to decompress, and honestly, I wouldn’t change that because when people go through this kind of thing, it’s like a death—an experience where you have to navigate stages. That was my stage of needing to do nothing. I needed to recharge, and that’s what I did for the next month. I truly could not have considered the next step, and I was so thankful for my severance package because I don’t think I would have been able to contemplate what to do next without it. I did a lot of walking; it provided me clarity. I know some people went on vacation, some, like me, stayed at home, and others found volunteering helpful. I needed to give myself some time where I didn’t think about anything. That’s what TV was for me. I remember having this one moment when I thought, oh my God, it’s Monday at 11:00 a.m., and I’m not being pulled in twenty-five directions, and I don’t have to attend a meeting.
The year leading up to the layoff affected my marriage. We’re much stronger now; we got through it, but there were times when it felt like that was all we talked about. It was like the elephant in the room. My husband was only working part-time and was also looking for a job. It became an all-consuming issue for us. Our entire life felt wrapped up in searching for a job and what would happen, and it wore us down. I wouldn’t say we drifted apart, but there were sleepless nights for both of us because there was a worry between us: “What’s going to happen next?” Knowing I would lose my job anyway, he didn’t understand why I worked so hard for these people. We just wanted it to be over and to move on.
Advice To Others:
As a financial expert, I suggest having six to twelve months’ worth of savings, if possible. I understand this isn’t feasible for everyone. Before this situation arose, we were saving for an apartment and had our down payment fund, which was not intended to be our emergency money. After this experience, we’ve both agreed that this should now serve as our emergency fund, and we’ll begin saving again for our down payment afterward. This approach allows you the flexibility to decline any job offer and provides peace of mind knowing you won’t be homeless in a month. That has been truly beneficial. We became more fiscally responsible when we realized this was happening with the company. Before I was officially laid off, I contacted the cable company, the phone company, and the New York Times. They all offered me a deal. I managed to reduce our bills by $250 a month. We also started shopping at the grocery store and eating at home more often, and we cut back on going out.
Moving Forward:
I’ve given this a lot of thought; I want to do more to give back in some way. You read stories about people who can’t or didn’t save, and it can be even more devastating for them, pushing them into poverty or debt. There must be a better way to help others. I want to be more engaged in all aspects of my life so that I’m fully present, and it’s not all about work. I want to get involved in other activities. I can choose how I want this experience to change me or keep me as I am. I want to carve a new path for myself and enjoy my life more. My identity and what I do won’t be tied up in my job. There is so much more that I want to do and be. I know what it feels like to be laid off, and who’s to say it won’t happen again? But if it does, at least I know how to handle it. I will be a better advocate for myself, and I know I will get through it without having to do it alone.
Where are they now?
Jeremy received a job offer about six months after being laid off. It was a better position as VP of Finance for a large media company. He has been there ever since, leading a team of twelve. During his time off, he applied to graduate school and earned his MBA in August 2022. Jeremy and his husband moved out of the city and purchased a house in the suburbs. Ultimately, he is very glad he was let go from his old company, is no longer in publishing, and is now working for a digital-forward firm.
