Holly
“The BestThing I Didn’t Know I wanted
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I sensed that being laid off was imminent. There had already been two rounds of layoffs in the past year, and I became part of the third. We had a new president who made it clear that one of his goals was to reduce headcount. We all felt somewhat dispensable. The warning signs for me were that I suddenly wasn’t receiving responses to my emails, or the replies had a different tone and sometimes seemed delayed. A high-profile project came in about a week before I was let go, and I was very excited about it. I sent it to my publisher, who had always supported me. She was like a mentor to me. However, I didn’t hear anything back, which felt quite odd. Still, she continued to provide me with affirmations. The day before our weekly editorial meeting, she reached out at 6:00 a.m., telling me she didn’t think the project was right for us and that she didn’t want me to bring it up in the meeting. I sensed something was off.
By chance, I had a session with my therapist that day during my lunch break. I told her, “I think I’m being let go.” We discussed all the signs and signals. Maybe it was just a coincidence that these things were happening. She then asked, “Okay, what if this does happen? How will you react?” We talked about it enough that when it did happen, I felt more prepared than I had anticipated the day before.
Here’s how it all happened. I received a call from my direct supervisor to meet with her in her office. It was 4:15 p.m., and she asked me to sit down. She told me to close the door, and I thought, “Well, that’s that,” because we never closed the door. She then said, “I don’t know how else to say this, but your position has been eliminated.” I was really proud of myself for not crying. However, at that moment, I felt a surge of anger. I wasn’t happy about it at all; it certainly wasn’t closure, but simply knowing for sure had a somewhat settling effect.
I asked her if she needed anything else from me, when my last day would be, who was taking over my books, and what was happening to my assistant. At that time, she was only assisting me and was new to the role, but she still shouldn’t be collateral damage. They already had a plan for her; they assigned her to someone else’s desk. Then, I returned to my desk and received a call from HR asking if I had time to pick up the paperwork.
It was incredibly sad. There was a cheerful sunshine-yellow folder with my name on it, and inside were all my severance papers. I spoke briefly with the HR representative and collected the documents. My closest colleague and I went out for drinks, and then I cried. I was still in shock and very angry, but she just let me talk. She was angry both with me and on my behalf, and she was amazing.
They let me go on February 1, and my last day was March 1. In retrospect, that felt like a long time and could have been shorter. However, I appreciated that they extended it to March, so my health insurance remained effective through that month. I received a decent severance for my ten years with the company. They compensated me with two weeks of pay for each year I worked, totaling about six months of salary. They also covered my COBRA for six months, which was great since my family’s insurance was through me.
The next day, my publisher entered my office, something she had never done before. She sank into the chair across from my desk and said, “I just want you to know this wasn’t personal. I like and respect you so much. I believe you have tremendous potential.” I replied, “Yeah, but you still let me go, and I still don’t have a job.” Everyone kept reiterating that it wasn’t personal, but it felt profoundly personal to me. I understood why my position was eliminated. I was low enough on the totem pole, didn’t earn much, and had an assistant. Someone else made the decision to let me go, which was the difficult part; my lack of control was probably the hardest aspect for me because I don’t make decisions lightly.
Another difficult aspect was that my whole identity was tied to my job. I was an editor at one of the Big Five publishing houses in New York City. I worked in a historic building with an office that had a door and a window—a dream come true. I had worked so hard for so long to reach that point. I know I’m other things, but having that taken away from me without another job lined up was jarring. I never considered myself anything other than an employee of a publishing house. It never crossed my mind to pursue anything else. After all, I never would have thought to leave my job to start my own business or anything like that in a million years. It was always, “I will be an editor at a publishing house until I retire. Hopefully, the same one, but I can explore other opportunities, and it’ll be fine.”
Before I was laid off, I had started searching for other jobs, but couldn’t find anything appealing to pursue. I can’t remember how the idea of starting my own editorial business came about. But as soon as it was said aloud, I thought, “Yeah, that’s what I’m going to do.” And I ran with it. I registered my LLC while I was still at my job. I was so angry, and nothing fueled my passion more than pure rage. I thought, “I am going to show them. I am going to do this.” It wasn’t until I had left the building for the last time that I felt the weight lift off my shoulders. I realized this was no longer my problem, and I could finally take a deep breath again.
I spent several days organizing my house and tackling tasks I had overlooked for too long. I worked on developing my service list and rate sheet, and I even started discussing my website with others. I had no idea what I was doing since I lacked a business background. It required a great deal of research and learning, but I felt genuinely excited. I asked a lot of questions about starting my business. I didn’t want another job; this was what I truly desired. I knew I had something people would pay for—my expertise and extensive background in publishing. The information I can provide to authors is invaluable.
I built my business from my kitchen counter, the couch, and Starbucks. Isn’t it amazing what you can accomplish when you’re happy and no longer have to commute into the city? So much good has come from being laid off. I feel more engaged in my life. When I was working in the city and commuting, I felt like I wasn’t a good employee, mom, or wife. I struggled to hold it all together, but I don’t feel that way anymore. If my business needs a little more time and attention, that’s okay. I know the kids will be fine, and I am there for them. I can shift the balance where it’s needed.
I received a solid severance package and had six months to determine whether this business would be viable. I used that time to assess if I could turn a profit, whether this venture had potential, or if I needed to seek a corporate job. Not everyone has the opportunity to take that time to experiment. I was fortunate, and that’s why I wouldn’t have pursued this path if I hadn’t been laid off. I would never have just said, “Screw you guys. I’m starting my own business. Peace out.” For my life and personality, being laid off pushed me in a direction that ultimately turned out to be the best thing ever.
My Transition And Transformation:
“I am not my job.” Let me repeat that: “I am not my job.” This was the most important lesson I had to learn. I am much more than just my job title, past or present. It took me a whole year to come to terms with being laid off. I found the closure I didn’t know I needed. I could shape how the process unfolded. I had control over my environment. I could show up the way I wanted and be as present as I chose to be.
We need to examine how we approach work and our careers with a fresh mindset and perspective. Success should be defined by how you thrive in life, not just by your professional achievements. After losing that aspect of my identity, I realized that our jobs shouldn’t encompass the entirety of who we are. Instead, we should focus on our happiness and on what else brings fulfillment to our lives.
Many editors I know who have gone freelance have reached out to me because I’ve been very open and honest about my experiences. I inform everyone that if they have questions, they should feel free to contact me; I will answer anything I can because people did that for me, and I want to pay it forward, knowing how much it helped me. I contacted a couple of colleagues who had transitioned to freelance work to learn from their experiences and see how they managed their businesses, including what they liked and didn’t like about it. If you make all your decisions in a tiny box, all by yourself, you miss the bigger picture and fail to tap into the potential out there, as you can learn from others every day if you allow yourself. Many people become stuck in their own thoughts and beliefs. This applies to all aspects of life, not just careers. You must engage with others and expand your perspective to gain valuable insights. I didn’t come up with the idea of having a freelance career on my own. Someone introduced it to me, and it completely changed my perspective; it was my “ah-hah” moment, and it transformed my entire world. I feel truly grateful for being laid off. It took me a full year to realize that everything would be alright. And guess what? It is alright; it’s even better than alright—it’s amazing.
Where are they now?
She spent four years as a freelance editor, building her business. Her success allowed her to focus on her family, prioritize her mental health, and work with clients on her own terms. That flexibility proved to be exactly what she needed during that time in her life and for her family. It enabled her to recover from the burnout she had experienced in her previous job. As she approached her fifth year, she had the opportunity to return to work at a small, independent publisher, but this time with a healthier work-life balance and greater control over her boundaries.
